fall makes me feel funny inside...

 I can't really describe it. It's like a feeling of desperation and restless longing -- as if I were actually two words "so alone" written out on a blank piece of paper and tossed into an empty bin. 

i don't want to grow up...

i'm a toys r us kid.

my life is in shambles. when will i get it together?

tomorrow.

it is always tomorrow.

so much

for an early start today... I ended up having to work a double last night and it got a little busy sooo running around for 11 hours straight did me in. I woke up at 8:30 to move my car... and then decided to lay back down for a bit, bad idea. I woke up at 12. 12? really brianna. Well I guess now I'm rested up for the weekend. So much to do.. so little time. Hope everyone enjoys their labor day shiets.

ooo no! summer!

where you going?!

only 5 more days left of freedom.

then it is back to the books!

o boy...

so I've been trying to walk up at 7am everyday... it's much harder then I thought it would be!!

I like my sleeeep =0!

and I know it is going to be even harder when winter comes... i can't get out of bed when it is cold outside my blankies! LOL =D

Jesse is finally home! horaaay! 

SO today.. I have work... from 11-6

then me and jesse are going to start our competition.

tomorrow i have off! actually kinda bummed.. i need the money so bad!

wanna give me some??

i need to get my ppd checked, then i'm going to the mall to return some stuff.. and thennn i am packing for the weekend... and planning my outfits for my shoot with matt on monday! 

friday is the first day of evolve... i'm really excited for this festival because there is yoga everyday all day long! and i have my hulas and tons of bands to keep me moving! and i don't think a smile will leave my face with all the wonderful people that are going to be surrounding me! MICHELLE! is coming from cali for the weekend... o man it is going to be fan fucking tastic.  i might drink one of the nights.. maybe friday night..  but not too too much! i have my bombay sapphire, SO GOOD.. too good.. it is dangerous.. so i do have to be careful =P other than that i'm going to be on good behavior. trying to be as healthy as possible theses days. no more cigarettes! life is good ;]

then that's it.. summer is gone. I have a shoot on monday, class on tuesday... re-entry skills exam on wednesday.. o boy o boy! wish me luck xoxox

HOOPLOVE!

yes yes yes! I just order a 20 LED hoop! it's gonna be crazyawesome. speaking of which.. i'm going to be making a hoop video soon! yaaaa. =)

so i guess it's been a little while. i forgot i had a blog =P

let me update you... i'm trying my very best to remove all shitty-ness from my life. starting first with a detox. summer diet kills me.. =( NO more! i say! I'm going to start every day at 7 am..with an AM yoga and hulahoop sesh.... drink tons of water.. and get the most out of my gym membership by going twice a day monday, tuesday and once a day thursdays, fridays and saturdays. wednesdays i have clinical so i will have to be up super early.. to unwind and relax afterwards i plan on a 2 hour hoop sesh and a PM yoga sesh. sundays i'll do pilates. 

sounds a bit overwhelming  but i can do it.. plus, i'm in a contest with my boyfriend to see who can get in better shape. so we are going to test our current strength an endurance.. with a mile run and how many sit ups/push ups we can do in a minute... we have three months to try to get in better shape and whoever can improve their time and numbers the most wins.. something (we are not sure of what, yet)

plus i am probably going to have crazyyy craaaaazzyyy hoop skills... and hopefully i'll be able to get paid to preform next summer =)

i am also going to try very very hard to change some of my bad habits.. like being the worlds best procrastinator. i have very poor time management skills.. and there is no room to fuck around this semester..!! which is way i plan to push myself to finish one novel every week to two weeks... along with completing all of my other school work. i feel like that will at least keep me on the right track of reading.. instead of dillydallying around all day long like a normally do. 

i hope i can do this!

no... i KNOW i can do this...

if i want it bad enough

and i do.

i really do.

some other things that i really want.....

- a blackberry $200

- a GPS $340

- latex (liquid, stockings, undies) $130

- the bukket $20 ;]

- 

- 

we are ANIMALS.

well at least i am.

i'd like to chase people down until there confused and dizzy... fall. and then laugh and walk away.

okay maybe not an animal.. but secretly an evil evil BITCH. 

so secret i don't even know it... i'm still not convinced.

and the worlds got me dizzy again

you'd think after 22 years I'd be used to the spin.. and it only gets worse when I stay in one place.. thats why I'm always pacing around or walking away

don't be a hungry tiger.

it's not very becoming.

i need new clothes...

i'm accepting donations..

all my summer closes are too big for me now.

YOU EAT A CHEESEBURGER!

gosh i knew you were gonna say that.

saddness

the ice cream shop is closed.

lol

in other news...

i still have no car...

and it is very depressing..

papa

my daddy is sick.. he needs a cane to get around now.

he is in a lot of pain. 

i just want everything to be okay again...

he is the hardest working man i have ever met in my whole life.

he also is the best. ever.

and i know, i know.. i'm his daughter.. i'm supposed to say that..

but everyone the meets my daddy knows this to be true.

he is also so funny..

i get my silly sense of humor from him.

me & the boys

playin dress up and forty hands with the boys..

maybe this can explain the previously posted pictures!

=)

nope.

you can't do it like me!

i seein' u tryin to do it like meee

man, that shieeet was UGLY.

lololol

bang bang!

new hair

bangs!

this week should be fun... finally getting thrown behind the bar at work... i'm excited =D

i'm king of the trees!

Best video I've seen in a long time...

audio of some guy tripping in a closet... matched to some sweet animation LOL!

my advice for the day

lighten up. ;]

not my style by any means..

would never EVER. be caught in something like this... but if you want me to rock something...

i'll try my best.

i have problems.

but at least i have something, right?

i'm going to change the world.

why can't people just be nice to one another?

like for real... there are straight up mean people, and yeah you guys suck

but then fakes.. you are the worse of the bunch, by far.

there are so many fake gestures of kindness it is sickening...

me and collettte got to talking one night on how we have this strange ability to open up to complete strangers.. like when we go on photoshoots... aside some sending MM messages back and forth we know very little about these people and we somehow feel comfortable enough to tell them are deepest darkest secrets... well maybe not, but much more then the average person. i am way too trusting.. people are malicious. i am not. you tell me something and say don't tell anyone. and i won't... take the shit to the grave, wouldn't even think twice about it. but i always forget not everyone is like that... in fact most people are not. i just can't help it... i want to believe that people are better... are good, will look out for me. 

i want so badly to live in a world where everyone can just be happy... and happy for others happiness.. we are all equal.. believe it or not. and some of you need to get the fuck off your high horse.. be humble.. realize where your inspiration truly comes from.. and give credit where credit is do... i see so many people just walking around living a big fucking lie... because they simply won't acknowledge the fact that we are all HUMAN.. we take and give to one another all the time.. we are all in this together.. we all are connected in one way or another.. and we are ALL FUCKING EQUAL.

no one person is better then another. not one. 

sorry to burst you bubble.. but if you really don't think that, you are going to live  a sad life... 

because comparing yourself to others is an endless battle.. you will never EVER win.

=D

this blog is such a rant.. but i think you're picking up what i'm throwing down?

hahaha

summer time....

house parties <33

reunited!<33

proper celebrations <33

photo adventures <33

road trips <33

more to come.. and I'm SO excited =D

so this is love?

you're gonna need a lot more then stripper shoes

to get on my level. ;]

I'm shooting with Red Rum in August! super stoked! and I want to do something very edgy but still keep a high fashion feel... these are as high fashion as stripper heels are gonna get. I actually love them a lot. =)

BARBIE PUMPS. 

how could I resists... i want them in purple though... yeahhh these are the tits. for sure.

Did I mention...

I passed Nursing III.

What have you done lately?

LOL! I'm just keeeeding.

I just don't think anyone (aside from those who have done it) really understand how freaking hard this material is. And there is just SO much of it. OB is 1/4 of the semester... it includes: pregnancy... everything that happens with the mother & the fetus...when, where, why... dx testing...when, why, what happens, risk factors, normal/abnormal lab values...genetics..risk factors.. autosomal dominate/recessive.. x-linked dominate/recessive everything that could possible go wrong... when, where, why, what to do, not to do... diet during pregnancy... appropriate pt. teaching.. labor & delivery.. normal findings.. and complications.. risk factors.. why they happen..and what do to.. medications..c-sections.. why, different types.. risk factors.. complications.. pain management... mental health related to pregnancy and birth... what's appropriate/inappropriate behavior.. maternal-infant bonding... fraternal-infant bonding...breast feeding... care for the neonatal.. vital signs...normal variable findings opposed to abnormal findings... reflexes why? when they disappear...... this is 1/4! of our semester... and these are just broad topics.. the amount of information we have to know about each is insane. Peds is another 4th of the semester... and that includes all disorders of pediatric pts. within the neuro, respiratory, GI, musco-skeletal systems... as well as hematology and immunology... by all disorders i mean the pathophysiology is just the BASE we need to know.. we need to know all interventions (which are very specific.) and all medications/tests/treatments/surgerys for each... ...all immunizations and when/why they are given.. genetic disorders... developmental theorist... appropriate cognitive and behavioral development etc....then 1/8 of the semester is spending cramming everything there is to know about the respiratory system... EVERYTHING and no it does not help that respiratory was covered in pedis because there are completely different disorders and ways to treat/intervene. another 8th is hematology... same goes for this.. and another 8th is immunology.. including HIV/AIDs... another 8th! JUST A FUCKING 8th of the semester is CANCER... did you figure out yet that this program is a little messed up.. the fact that only 1/8 of a semester is dedicated to cancer is beyond me... it is cancer. you have no idea how much there is to know about it... i can't and won't even begin to list... and then there is really no more time left to learn anything else.. but they SOMEHOW include male and female reproductive disorders and STD's. LOVELY. of course the final is comprehensive.. but of course.. like where do you even start??..

and to be totally honest this post does not even do the actually material justice.. i am definitely missing things... there is just to much to list, but this gives you a general idea. oye.

so yeah.. i passed.

it was probably the happiest day of my life thus far.

RIP Saturn

I totaled my Saturn on Tuesday morning.. what a piece of junk she was becoming.. but it was better then nothing =(. I need a new car. Soon I won't have to worry about rent anymore so car payments won't seem so impossible. Until then I'm hoping to find a suitcase filled with money.

FALL 2009 at Payless!

YES!

I am SO excited for these...

they will be mine.

just because your head is HUGE

doesn't mean you are smart.

you are actually pretty fucking stupid.

you wanna

lose some weight?

yup, genetic are definitely one thing..

but here are some tips that will work for everybody... and they are really not that hard.

 

1. drink water... lots and lots and lots of water.

when you get hungry... drink water

and drinking water actually helps remove "water weight"

2. avoid simple carbs as much as possible.. or always. carbs are addictive so this may be quite a task... start with switching to WHOLE GRAINS! COMPLEX CARBS!! and then replace half of those carbs with VEGETABLE. yup, veggies are carbs.. awesome carbs.

3. fresh fruit might be the most perfect food for you body... made up of water and vitamins.. easily digested... yummy...low in calories. eat fresh fruit for breakfast.... and a mid day snack.

4. drink some more water...

5. you don't need a gym membership to work out... get on the floor and do some crunches.. put a pillow under your lower back to increase flexion and extension.... do three sets of 10 in the AM and the PM. do lounges and squats 3 sets of 10 twice a day as well... 

6. 30 minutes of cardio at least 3 times a week... alternate between a moderate and a fast pace to get the most effective weight loss results.

7. STRETCH!!!!!

8. park in the last spot... take the stairs...hold your tummy in all day.

9. Drink some more water

10. Laugh.

when i said forever...

i'm not sure if i meant it.

not like i did before anyway...

i know things can be fixed... but will they ever be the same again?

the answer is no.

but, i like it...

wide-eyed, both feet on the ground..

the world looks better this way.

and although there is something about being out of control in love that just makes you feel so alive.

....i like being in control too much. my level head is much more becoming... in fact it is even quite alluring... i feel like a predator just waiting to make my attack, and once i got ya i gat ya.

 

me likie

BUY ME THIS OUTFIT! And I'll hula hoop for you for free! (in it, of course ;] )

http://www.odgirl.com/item--Fur-striped-skirt-halter-leg-warmer--8005_8004sh-017.html

120 by Summer.

I'm gonna do it.

Money makes the world go round.

Unfortunately.

I always used to say, "I'm good with my money.."

Until someone reminded me, I don't have any to be bad with.

Sparkling water is on sale a target.. I cleaned them out. 

I freakin love that shit.

I bought myself a pretty dress... I think I'll use it for my shoot on Monday.. I just need some killer shoes.

shoes,shoes,shoes,shoes...shoes...hmmmmm shoes.

My birthday is in 79 days... [22, ew.] 

I'm already starting to make my wishlist.

But, if you're broke...  a case of sparkling water... or bottle of ruffino - modus - super tuscan would be LOVELY. Actually a nice big hug.. that's what I really want. 

I noticed if I have to go longer then a week without be wrapped in someone's arms, I feel empty inside. I told me co-workers this and they gave me a big group hug! hahaha! I love them so much. [the awesomeness of my co-workers deserves it's own blog] I like to touch people.. is that such a bad thing!?!

I think today is the first day in a bit that i've consumed an adequate amount of calories.. I feel like shit.

Tomorrow.. I am cleansing. and it is supposed to be lovely out.. so I'm going to go to the beach and hulahooping. =)

Then I'll probably hit up the other target in the area for their sparkling water....I'm serious.

Then I am going to study.

Because tonight I took a killer test... and well, I don't think I made an A.

FOCUS! BRIANNA!

=(

I need adderall.. hook a girl up??

for real..

So, I've  had  this blog for a month now.. and I just went back a read all my post and realized how bitchy I sounded.. aaaahaa..sooo I deleted them, I'm really not a bitch. I swear. 

I guess I'm just sick of everybody thinking they are SO original, when truly they are not.  - at all. In fact I find that when people claim to be "different" they are actually more ordinary and boring then the average.  I don't find it complimentary that I have influenced people to the point where they change they're ways and make up lies just to try to be something more like me.  I find it sad and pathetic.. 

I just don't get it... Don't you realize that everyone can see right through you? 

Some people are just so fake, it is disturbing...

Why are people constantly looking for labels. And honestly I am appalled  how far some people will go to try to be something they are ENTIRELY not.  

If there is one thing I am certain about myself.. it's that I have always stayed true to what I want. My passions are untouchable and they are not influenced by anyone else.  Yes I HAVE been influenced by OTHERS, we all are... but when I commit to something.. whether it is my diet, my artistic pursuits, the color of my hair, the clothes i wear..  my studies... my major.. my day to day activities... whatever! it is because it is what I want to do. This is how I live my life.

Fortunately, I have lately been meeting more and more people who are alike me in this way.. and it is such an attractive trait. Makes me smile. =)

I am not just a girl

A lady, a woman

I am the blinding sun on your horizon

..the warm breeze that calms your soul

I am the demise to your loveless wonder

...the starving child within you

Not just a girl,

I am everything and nothing all at once.